he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
