Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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