I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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