The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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