hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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