I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
