i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
