He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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