If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
