Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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