I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
