Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
