i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We got so high we made milksteak
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
