I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ttyl tear gas
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
