I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
