You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I cannot find my penis.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
