so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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