I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
