How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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