My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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