I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
