His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize