I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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