eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
