i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
