We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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