Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
