Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
