I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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