1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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