After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
