meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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