i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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