Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
