I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
