the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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