HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got inside last night via doggy door
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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