he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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