his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
