Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Damn victory sex feels great
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
