I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
barbara walters just said penis...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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