I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
