New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
