Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
