Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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