When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
