well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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