A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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