I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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