I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
