Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
