i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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