So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
