Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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