Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
