i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
