do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
