The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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