i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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