Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
