we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
