god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
