it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
