He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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