the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
