Soap is not a condiment
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is Oprah even human
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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