I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
