No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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