But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
