I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
