Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
