i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
