Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
