I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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